11 Years Sober: The Journey to Clarity, Freedom, and Awakening
A message from my father’s spirit reminded me of the power of sobriety. It was the key to unlocking my true path, and it might hold something for you too.
Understanding the wisdom of addictions
I asked for a sign from my father yesterday during meditation. When I sat down on the plane, a coin literally jumped out onto the floor in front of me. It was his AA coin. My father treasured his coins, and I asked to have them when he was dying. He treasured his sobriety after 40 years of addiction. I treasure mine.
Getting sober brought me the clarity I needed to see straight. It allowed me to feel more deeply the pain I was numbing. It gave me the courage and strength to step out of my old stories and the freedom to transform my fear into gold.
Thank you, Dad, for this reminder. I FEEL you more than ever.
11 years sober.
The Serenity Prayer is a fundamental part of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and is often recited at meetings. It goes as follows:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."
For me, sobriety meant combining compassion and somatic therapy with psychedelics. I don’t believe this path is for everyone, and it can even delay progress for some. I respect AA but didn’t follow that route. What I’ve learned is that healing isn’t a linear process, and different modalities will resonate with different people. It’s up to you to find your INNER guide and navigate your transformation.
If you’re contemplating quitting, and you feel a pull deep inside, that could be your body speaking to you. I had that feeling for years until I finally hit rock bottom. The hangovers, the shame, and the loss of hope were so dark. In 2013, I asked for help again and attended a retreat with Gabor Maté. It was there that I realized I needed to face my fear and anxiety instead of running from it.
Our addictive behaviors are coping mechanisms, but they ultimately distract us from true healing. Trying to heal while continuing these behaviors keeps you stuck in a loop. I did it for years. You can do endless therapies and ceremonies, but without confronting your stories and reactions, the dynamics won’t change.
Sobriety was the key that unlocked my awakening. It allowed me to shift into my body and connect with my emotions. I realized how much time I spent lost in my thoughts—worrying, doubting, and judging myself and others. Over time, I understood that I am not my thoughts—they’re just outdated programs running on limiting beliefs. I was the only one who could update them to align with what truly mattered.
Feeling the years of repressed emotions was what transformed them into strength. Sobriety doesn’t have to be forever, but in the early stages, it’s a powerful message to your higher self—a commitment to stepping out of the comfort zone. I invite my clients to try just one week. If you feel stuck or stressed, consider making this commitment to the part of you that wants to escape and see what shifts.
Remember, this is just what worked for me. Learning to attune to my needs and express self-love and compassion aligned me with my soul. Please share your stories in the comments—I would love to hear them.
It doesn’t matter what your substance or pattern is—addiction can be many things. Some people don’t drink or take drugs but blame others for their misery. Learned helplessness and victim consciousness are traps I was once stuck in, too. It’s easier to focus on others than to sit with uncomfortable emotions, but taking responsibility for our fear, anxiety, and shame is essential for finding wholeness.
The moment you acknowledge these feelings as yours, you take your power back. From there, you can choose something new. This process only happens in the present moment. Staying asleep and avoiding this work only perpetuates pain and suffering. I did it until I chose, moment by moment, to unravel the web I had intricately spun for myself. That web felt like a safety net, helping me survive the chaos of my childhood, and for that, I’m grateful. But I realized it was time to dissolve those attachments and embrace the unknown.
Letting go required surrendering the need to know, to be right. This was my free-fall moment, where faith and trust became pillars of my healing.
Why I Feel the Need to Share
There are many misconceptions about healing. For me, it meant coming into wholeness, integrating the pockets of pain I had held for so long. I found that my need for control was rooted in a lack of inner safety, and striving for perfection kept me from taking risks. My need for external validation blocked my vulnerability and left me stuck. Life was passing by, and I was aging without truly living. I was scared to age. My heart felt closed off, and I was constantly comparing myself to others, never feeling enough. This is the unspoken disease of our culture.
I began questioning with curiosity and compassion. Like a miner digging for gold, I found treasure within my darkest shame. I felt like I had failed as a mother, wife, model, and friend. But it was time to pick myself up, wipe off the dust of shame, and own the life I had unconsciously created.
I reached out for help from the subtle, invisible realms and remembered the power of prayer. This step reminded me how precious this human life is. Wasting it away would be denying the divine within me. In that moment, I recalled the importance of asking for guidance.
The Future of Consciousness
Lastly, I want to share an exciting opportunity to explore the nature of consciousness. My dear friend Daniel Pinchbeck is hosting The Future of Consciousness, a six-week webinar series starting August 25. It will feature brilliant thinkers like Bernardo Kastrup and Dean Radin, exploring how consciousness is the foundation of reality.
Here’s a talk between Giancarlo,
and myself discussing about the webinar series starting next week.As a special gift to our community, we’re offering 40% off with the code at this link. I hope you’ll join us!
Medicine for These Times podcast
I’m excited to share that I was recently a guest on the Medicine for These Times podcast, where I had an enriching conversation with
. We explored my journey from addiction to sobriety, and the profound healing I found through meditation, inner work, and psychedelic experiences. We dive into the spiritual challenges of our times, the wisdom of aging authentically, and the importance of finding stillness in our busy world. I hope you’ll listen and find some inspiration for your own path of healing and growth.Upcoming Retreat — October 17-20:
Embodying Soul Consciousness Reconnect
I’m delighted to invite you to our upcoming retreat, Embodying Soul Consciousness Reconnect, happening October 17-20, 2024, in the serene setting of Hekamiah, Ibiza. This immersive weekend, co-led by Larah Davis and myself, is designed to help you reconnect with your true essence and ignite your inner light through transformative practices, rituals, and ceremonies. You’ll experience meditation, grounding, yoga, breathwork, and more, all within a supportive, intimate community.
With personalized guidance, healing sessions, and activities focused on wholeness, this retreat is an opportunity to release what no longer serves you and embrace joy, clarity, and purpose. If this resonates, please reach out to Larah on WhatsApp for more details and join us in this sacred space for a transformative journey.
With love,
Stephanie
Thank you for sharing, finding your work has been a beautiful confirmation for me 🙏💚